Yep, parental burnout is a thing. And, apparently 82% of us are experiencing at least one symptom of it (Action for Children, 2024).
So, how do I know if I’m burnt out as a parent?
If you care for children, it’s fairly safe to assume that you have, or have had, parental burnout. I mean, it’s not surprising given the wide range of pressures on parents and carers.
Parenting even the loveliest of children (aren’t they all?) can be exhausting. In addition to our own responsibilities, we spend our days (and nights) washing, cooking, cleaning, caring for, reading to, transporting, playing with, emotionally regulating and doing our absolute best for our children. Then we still worry and wonder if we’ve done it well enough.
If ‘Parent’ were a paid job, few of us would accept the role. I mean, the salary? Nothing. The ‘Roles and Responsibilities’? Unachievable and exhaustive. Employee benefits? Amazing, but at times infrequent and not always in line with effort. Support? Don’t get me started.
Oh, and then you have to do another job with equal, but different, pressures and expectations. No wonder we’re burnt out!
Take the parental burnout test.
If you’re still wondering if you have parental burnout, here are four, quick questions you can ask yourself:
- Have I felt physically or emotionally exhausted by parenting?
- Have I ever felt like I’m not being as good of a parent as I have been?
- Do I ever feel ‘fed up’ with being a parent?
- Have you ever felt emotionally disconnected from your children?
No? Not experienced any of those? Ever? You must be one of the 28% of parents who were lying in the study mentioned above.
What can I do about it?
The first thing you need to do is stop beating yourself up about it.
Parenting is hard. Really hard. And you will make mistakes. The good news is that the mistakes don’t matter as much as the ability to repair the relationship and reconnect.
Make sure your needs are taken care of.
Cue the idioms. ‘You can’t drink from an empty well.’ ‘You need to put your oxygen mask on first.’. Annoyingly, it’s true. We must meet our own needs first. When you start to feel that rising heat of frustration, take a minute or two to regulate yourself. Take a few deep breaths. Have a cup of tea. Look outside or at a picture of nature. These are some quick ways to calm the nervous system. It’s only when we’re calm ourselves that we can calm others.
Taking time every day to focus on your child can make a huge difference.
Five minutes of the right kind of play will do. The more regularly you invest in your relationship with your child, the safer they will feel. When children feel safe, seen and connected they rely less on behaviours, such as kicking as screaming, to communicate their needs. Play and laughter helps you relax too. Win, win.
Every day play, in the palm of your hand.
lumin&us® was designed by parents, for parents to support family mental health and wellbeing. It was created alongside families by qualified therapists, educators and mental health professionals to provide parents and carers with access to the therapeutic tools and strategies used by professionals. It is certified for use in the NHS by ORCHA.
Download lumin&us® from Google Play or the App Store for free to help with parental burnout, build and improve relationships, reduce conflict and improve family mental health and wellbeing.