As a parent, you instinctively feel when something isn’t quite right with your child, but it can be hard to find the right solution. If you feel like you don’t fully understand your child or how to bring out the best in them, this guide is for you.
Your instincts are more than just a gut feeling; they’re a signal from your body’s nervous system, which is constantly and automatically asking a single question: “Am I safe?” This is a core concept of the Lighthouse Model. Because this process is automatic, we often respond to situations before we’ve had time to process our thoughts, which is why your parental hunches matter so much.
The Lighthouse Model describes three emotional states:
- SAFE: When we feel safe, we are calm and able to connect with ourselves and others.
- STRUGGLING: When we sense a threat, we start to feel overwhelmed, which can lead to fight or flight responses.
- DROWNING: When we feel disconnected and hopeless, our nervous system can shut down, leading to withdrawal and a need for solitude.
Feeling like you or your child are in a struggling or drowning state is often the root cause of the behaviours you are most worried about.
Understanding Your Child’s Behaviours
Our behaviours are often an automatic response to how we feel inside. If your child doesn’t feel safe, it’s much harder for them to be emotionally regulated. A child’s nervous system relies on a regulated adult to help them find safety.
You might notice these behaviours in a child who is struggling:
- They get upset very quickly or suddenly.
- It’s hard to tell when they’re upset or stressed.
- They become withdrawn and less engaged in certain circumstances.
- They struggle to join in with activities they would typically enjoy.
The good news is that you can learn to notice what you both need to feel safe and connected again. The key is to slow down and listen to your body and your child’s, so you can work out how to provide the connection they need.
A Toolkit for Confident Parenting
Are you ready to stop guessing and start understanding? The lumin&us® Lighthouse Toolkit is a one-of-a-kind resource developed by two mothers and trusted by over 30,000 families and professionals. It’s the only app of its kind to combine neuroscience and play therapy, giving you the knowledge and tools used by professionals to improve your family’s emotional wellbeing.
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