As parents, we are wired to nurture our children. We change nappies, get up for night feeds, and offer cuddles to soothe and reassure them. When a smile or a cuddle comes our way, it releases oxytocin, making us feel that all this effort is worthwhile. It’s a beautiful cycle of caring and connection.
But what happens when your child pushes you away? What if they don’t like to be cuddled, or if they squirm when you try to tickle them? It’s normal to feel a pang of rejection. These feelings are real because nurturing touch is deeply impactful—it literally affects the chemicals in our brain.
Every person, including your child, has unique preferences about how they are touched. Some children, due to sensory sensitivities, past experiences, or even how they were born, may be very particular about physical contact. What feels comforting to you may feel overwhelming to them.
More Than Just a Cuddle: The Language of Care
Caring for our children is about more than just physical touch. It’s about letting them know they are deeply valued. The daily tasks of parenting—from feeding them to getting them ready for school—all contribute to their sense of feeling cared for. They are learning that there is someone whose job it is to look after them, someone they can count on.
Scientists have found that everyone needs to experience healthy touch, and the ideal is a firm, 2-3 second embrace. But for those children who avoid physical contact, there are other ways to show nurture. Simply sitting and enjoying a quiet treat together can be an incredibly powerful way to offer care. It slows everything down and helps them feel SAFE, which is the ultimate goal of all your nurturing efforts.
This is a chance for you to slow down and ask your child, “What feels best?” The activities in our toolkit allow you to explore the kind of touch you both enjoy. You’ll learn what soothes your child and what makes them feel safe.
What to Look For: Signs Your Child Is Struggling with Nurture
A child who struggles with this may show it through their behavior. Look for signs like:
- They rarely let you take care of them.
- They don’t seem to notice if they bump themselves or get dirty.
- They avoid messy play or hate being touched or tickled.
Our children use their bodies and senses to explore the world. By using play to explore what they like and don’t like, you can both discover what soothes them and deepens your bond.
A Toolkit for Confident Parenting
Are you ready to truly understand your child’s emotional world and nurture them in a way that feels right for both of you? The lumin&us® Lighthouse Toolkit is a one-of-a-kind resource developed by two mothers and trusted by over 30,000 families and professionals. It’s the only app of its kind to combine neuroscience and play therapy, giving you the knowledge and tools used by professionals to improve your family’s emotional wellbeing.
Don’t miss out on your chance to get our powerful new toolkit. Sign up for our no-obligation pre-order email to be the first to know when it becomes available.
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